Wow! I cannot believe how fast time has passed. I have been told the brain has a defensive way of forgetting those things that are uncomfortable (ie… painful). And, I guess you could say that I have been through a painful experience.
Those of you that know me know that my marriage had been a challenge, and we struggled on many fronts. Our marriage started to really fall apart the beginning of 2010, and officially ended in March of 2011.
The divorce took a lot out of me. Emotionally, I had difficulties focusing on work, and on activities I would have typically enjoyed (railroading, etc...). And, my health was affected too. For the first 6 months of the divorce “process”, I could literally see changes. In a very short time, my voice changed. It has never been the same since. My eye-sight went blurry almost over-night. I am now (like many others) reliant on glasses to see (can anyone say “Z Scale”?).
However, the real losers in this divorce are the children. They lose the most. They have lost a father. They have lost a mother. They have lost a family. They have lost a home. And, I suspect, they feel like they have lost love. We adults are the culprits, and desire what we get. But, the children are innocent and deserve better.
Since the divorce is now final, I get to discover what makes me tick – what turns my crank – in a divorced life.
Over the second half of 2010 (the year that did not exist for me – as the divorce was in full swing), I tried to do a little railroading. But, I found it empty – I found it hollow. I did not get the enjoyment or satisfaction from it that I usually do. So, after a bit of contemplation, I packed up all my RR stuff and put it into storage. I have not touched it since - until recently.
I have seen an interest in model railroading again. It started (sort of) with the Holiday gathering of the club I used to belong to. It was nice to see friends. I am currently finding more interest in picking up a MRR magazine. And, I am toying with layout designs (mostly to see what I can do with what I have – modules and such). It is nice to see – I am getting a little enthusiasm back.
Not sure where all this is heading. Divorced life (with children) is not easy. But, I am enjoying some things. And, you never know – maybe a layout is in my future.
I wish you the best.
(Added June 14, 2012)